Blogvolution

Dear friends…lovers…bloggers…I am temporarily back. I miss blogging, I do. Not because of the fandom success, fame and fortune it brought me*, but because I am normally a very reserved and controlled person and this blog gives me the opportunity to really open up and over share without barriers that are usually only taken down with copious amounts of wine. I like, actually love, control but unfortunately this means that I tend to internalize a bit in the sake of calmness and I am tired…oh so tired.

But do people still have blogs? Are they still the way to communicate to the outside world?

Furthermore do we, as an audience, still process the attention span needed for verbose daily online musings of the day? Or is our self indulgence buffet limited to 160 characters or less? I am going to take a chance on an unknown kid and say dn w/twtr and YES TO FULL SEMI-COMPREHENSIBLE SENTENCES…WOO HOO. And besides, I think I personally know all three of my readers - and we are all chatters - so I say pull up a chair and let’s get to talkin’.

There is so much to catch-up on since we last talked dear friends. Like how I am on impressionable SOB and have now taken to creating my own 35-for-35 bucket list ala R&N from Life-a-Roni. Or like how I spent the last year working 100 hours a week and traveling all over the place but no where all at the same time. Or even like how I love food and that is all I talk about and how I cook and eat and go out and eat and then talk about my next meal while I am eating.

Okay, so maybe a lot has not changed in the last year but it is fun to write about.

So for whoever is out there…still listening…still wanting their gravy train fix…I am here to deliver once more.** YAY! So who’s coming with me?

The post is dedicated to Jerry Maguire

*still waiting for all four of these things but whatevs
** Until I get bored, or hungry or overworked

Hello, Is It Me Your Looking For?

Yes kiddies, it is your old Auntie Gravy Train here and I think I am ready to bust a Jay-Z and come out of retirement for the umpteenth time.

I know it has been way to long and I am not sure how long I can keep this up, but I think it is time I return center stage for a final curtain call until my next curtain call on this thing we call life, love, happiness and to much booze.

Onward through the haze my friends: whose coming with me?

XOXO,
Gravy Train

This post is dedicated to Posh, Pistol and D...whoes daily blogging musings have kept me entertained enough to be jelly.

The Dreaded Ex

The first time I met Fran was on my first venture out to Canadia…a “meet the folks” trip Xtian had arranged after only 6 months of dating*. I had heard her name before, but in my usual self-absorbed self didn’t really pay attention. Fran, you see, was Xtian’s high school sweetheart. A girl he dated for x number of months or years or whatever that was supposedly really smart and also pretty cute. I usually don’t pay attention to things like this because to quote Melissa Joan Hart in “Drive Me Crazy”: “High school love is for saps, or haven’t you heard?!?!” Digress. I had kinda forgotten about her until I walked into Xtian’s rents family room that fateful trip and I see a picture of Fran and Xtian in all prom glory. Unintentional for sure but I could not help to be slightly miffed at this and began to dissect the picture from every possible angle and obsess over it for no apparent reason other than I am a girl and this is what girls do.**

Xtian was invited to his high school reunion, not like a 5 or 10 year, but more like a “graduates of the uber gifted program.” Whatever. Given that I had no prior warning to this, the only thing I had in my bag that was approp was a little wrap dress that pretty much exposed my nonexistent boobage***.

Whatever, geeks love boobs right so I went with it. Well, after stressing about the lack of a camisole or safety pin, I free flowed it with black lacy bra and we take off. We get there and everyone is dressed in kahkis and blazers and like grandmamma dresses…my get-up just does not seem appropriate at all so I start to feel slightly uncomfortable. Then, Xtian decides to ditch me so that he can catch up with all of his old colleagues, teachers, et cetera. So there I am, not knowing a soul, awckward, boobs out and alcohol less****.

So I start wandering the high school aimlessly when I see Xtian talking to a random couple in the hall so I decide to go introduce myself just to have something to do. I walk up and he seems entranced talking to this girl so I kinda nudge myself an introduction. Turns out it is the infamous Fran. Shit. As in I look like shit and shit it his ex who looks like a square but at least is dressed approp for the event. Double shit. After I pretty much introduce myself, I make my way to go and Xtian decides to join me but not before turning back and saying “you look great.”

I mean I say that to people all the time and people say that to me all the time, it is polite and most of the time true, but I don’t know what it was about those three words combined with the wrong wrap dress at the wrong time but it sent me into all kinds of mental nonsense. I never really said anything about it, but that moment just sticks out for me because I am a gal who likes to torture herself.

Fast forward four-and-a-half years later I find myself back in Canadia doing the visit to the in-laws for the holidays (for those wondering the prom picture was NOWHERE to be found because you KNOW I looked). My wonderful mother in law had pulled out some childhood memorabilia for me to check out. Low and behold what do I come across? That’s right, Xtian’s high school yearbook. Of course I start reading every entry trying to find a glimpse of this Fran chick. So sad yet so true. Moving on

On our last day in Canadia, Xtian and I had made plans to have lunch with his high school physics teacher. Fitting, I feel, as he was indirectly responsible for us having an odd yet successful first date in a strange discombobulated way (which I will post on another day if I remember). We opt to meet at a local indoor mall as the city is still covered in snow and getting anywhere is such a wreck. Since I had about 30 mins to get ready I quickly showered, washed but did not dry my hair and applied make-up in Xtian’s dark room. LOVELY. Since we had an hour to kill, I figure it will give my hair time to dry and I can check out my make-up once we get to the mall.

We walk in, I start peeping the windows for any shopping potential, and then Xtian stops dead in his tracks and says “Fran.” Yes, same Fran that I was obsessing over when I read his high school yearbook the night before. Yikes. A nervous giddiness fills me immediately…here I was with sopping wet hair and freaking basketball sized earmuffs unsure of my make-up since I did it in the dark. I kind of felt like Carrie, from SATC, when she kept running into Natasha and the first time she was in cow girl outfit and the next in her underwear. Sigh.

Xtian introduces his fantastic wife and she introduces her bland husband. When discussing where we went on honeymoon he says we went to the Maldives to which she turns to me and says “no wonder you are so tan*****.” I then proceeded to spend the next hour trying to find mirrors in the mall to ensure that I did not overdo it with blush and bronzer (yes even in the snow you need a sun kissed look) so that instead of refreshed look I was going for I did not accidently get the Tammy Fay Faye Baker******* look. Jesus, what is wrong with me?

Nutshell: She is married 2 years in, he is married 2 months in, she just finished her PhD at MIT, he made VP at a prestigious financial firm at 27, her husband also just finished his PhD at MIT, his wife is…tan. Sigh. Well at least I am so cute whereas she is not cute dudes…like at all. Well okay, I guess she is alright, but not like this Natalie Portman I had made up in my head.

Then it hits me, here is this genius girl and her genius husband that have seriously done nothing to me and all I have to retort with is “at least I am sooooooo much better looking than she is”. Seriously? Is this what it boils down to? I mean I am no moron, quantum and advanced math does not faze me (in fact it actually kinda excites me) but let’s face facts…I ain’t impressing anyone lately with my level of smarts. How did I go from NASA interning and science learning to Britney Spears obsessing and Us Weekly reading? I mean it is not a competition…for all my faults I am sure she has her own, we all do. But what the hell am I doing at 30 comparing myself to anyone?!?! Haven’t I established my fabulousness enough that I have to go pick on this poor girl? Le sigh, I will add to my resolutions to rediscover my self-confidence AKA as major ego.

This post is dedicated to Tony Robbins.

* Canadian men and commitment, don’t know what it is but they just dig it.
** To everyone’s defense a pic of my quasi ex whateverness sat in my rents living room for YEARS (probs until about a year ago) when after various Xtian digs I moved it into the toy room. We are a house of procrastinators, sorry.
*** It seems I like to have my boobs constantly on display, don’t know what that is all about
**** I am actually not sure if there was or was not alcohol but I assume I would have been drunk at this point if there was, since I self medicate with alcohol when uncomfortable so I am thinking no.
*****And if by “so tan” you mean “so hot” then yes, that is why I am so hot.
******OMG, I heart her…like HEART HER. Probs more than Britney Spears, but I cannot confirm nor deny that.

Envious of Real Housewives of OC, Gravy Train Trumps Them With Her Own Post

In honor of tonight’s episode of the Real Housewives of OC and their trek to the opening race at Del Mar, I decided to post pics of my own race hats and outfits…my Kentucky Derby hats and outfits natches because that is just how I roll.

I cannot tell you how much I LOVE horses, like BEYOND love them, and horse racing is the epitome of the potential of the horse…the racing, the power, the muscles…it is just AMAZING. If you have not ever had a chance to go to races, please do so before you die.

Invited by a head honcho CEO and his rather fantastic southern socialite wife, Xtian and I headed out to Louisville so that he could conduct business of the financial kind and I could conduct business of the social kind with the races serving as a backdrop for our respective business dealings.

Day 1

Given that Xtian was already traveling for work, I made the trek out of SF solo with my hats in tow. Since I was carrying on my hats, and we had to go straight to dinner once in Louisville, I decided to dress the part and wore this fantastic black and white flowy dress with black and gold velvet peep toe shoes that made me look totally proper and super southern.

This is the only outfit I don’t have a picture of so you are going to have to trust me on this but let me just say, without sounding like my self-absorbed self, that during my layover in Chicago men stopped dead in their tracks and women commented on how fantastic I looked. Ahhh got to love those moments.

Xtian met me in the United lounge in Chicago then we made our way to our connecting flight to Louisville, first class of course because we needed extra space for my hats (a very special shout out to the ladies of that flight who gave them their own special seat) yay. Once there a black SVU waited for us to take us to dinner at Seviche. Now I am usually VERY skeptical of Latin food outside of California but let me tell you this restaurant lives up to the hype. INCREDIBLE. We headed out to our hotel after dinner so that we could get ready for the next day’s activities.

Day 2


Xtian wore a white linen suit and pale pink shirt and white leather shoes all from Boss and I wore a hat from Neiman, dress from BCBG and shoes by Dior…that I then switched out to randoms given the rain.

Given that all the men had board meetings during the day, I took advantage of the hotel gym and put in a 2 hour session that was awesome…awesomely horrid given it was in an open area next to the indoor pool and it was hot and humid. Got to love the South. After my workout, I went back upstairs to get ready for lunch and drinks at 21 Museum Hotel (this place is totally like a museum, modern and totally brill, you must also go here if you are in town) before heading out to our first race event …the Kentucky Oaks event. All of my fillies lost but I think Xtian actually won during the Oaks race…yay. After the races we went for drinks then dinner then bed (from what I can remember).

Day 3

I belive all of xtian’s suit was Zegna and shoes probs Ferragamo or Prada knowing him. I wore a hat by Millinery (for Neiman), dress by Cavalli and shoes by Blahnik…who brought her “a game”? This girl right here.

The AM meant more meetings for the boys which meant more working out for me and freaking out because I forgot my boob lifts and spanx at home. BLASTS!!! After some quick Mint Julips in the lobby bar we headed out in party busses to the races. Once there, we drank more mint julips and placed our bets for the variety of races.

The big horse to win that day was Big Brown (which my brother forced me to bet on) so everyone came out in droves to see if he would win. While Big Brown did win the Derby and was on his way to try to become a triple crown winner (he unfortch lost in the third race at Belmont) the only filly in the race, Eight Belles, that placed second broke her ankle and had to be put down. It was a very emotional experience for everyone who was there since horses really do become part of the racing community family. Ending a bit on a sour note, we watched another race then headed out to have dinner and lots of wine at Lilly’s. After that, we headed back to our hotel to have more drinks and pack as we were leaving in the AM back to reality, sigh.

This post is dedicated to Southern hospitality.

Egads Cinderella, We’ve got To Get You Ready for the Ball

Okay, I know I promised tales of my honeymoon romps and whatnot but I think I have already told all three of my readers about my ventures so you could wait for a few more days for my back logged posts. We have more pressing matters to discuss, like Gravy attending her first society function as a married woman…GASP.

Tonight (la la la la la tonight) Xtian and I have been invited to attend the holiday party of a trés well-know, high-powered lawyer (think Cher’s dad in Clueless but like not crazy) at his home in the fancy pants Presidio district. Talking real estate, his house is probs one of the most baller houses in SF that makes you drool and perhaps a little green.

This holiday event is anticipated, and well attended, by many of the SF glitterati so being invited is a true honor (that and he just so happens to be insanely good friends with my husband…who is 28 mind you…but I digress). While this is not the first time I attend these types of events, this will be the first time (well second if you consider Xtians holiday party…where we were seated alongside a legendary financier who pretty much funded EVERYTHING successful on the Internets…take that pets.com) as an SF Housewife so I kinda feel like it is a big deal.

I wake up this morning in a tizzy since I have STILL to decide what I am going to wear and, of course, this is the one Friday I have to go into the office so I cannot lounge around the loft working on my laptop whilst I read up on current political events (Chechnya…chech-ne-ah) with rollers in my hair and slathered in moisturizer to get that J.Lo glow. BLASTS.

I have narrowed the costume selections down to a few options but I think if I am to make a dignified impression I need to make sure to keep the outfit classy* yet sassy. This means boobage covered (this is SF housewives not OC) but still play the sexiness a little perhaps with a little fitted dress in a jeweled toned color that plays up my Latin-ness…added bonus is that this gives Xtain that “exotic housewife” cred. HA HA. As for shoes, I think I need to go with a little bling that compliments my cute pedicure (THANKS D!)...either of the Blahnik or Wiseman variety…side note: I really do need to buy more gold shoes.

As for the various conversation I will be having as I work the room, I have prepared a few taking points that should get me throughout the night. Thanks to my nephews, Elias and Tobias, my knowledge of kid stuff should cover me with the other housewives (Kumon makes a great supplemental program to strengthen math skills, for my money CMTSJ has one of the best theater program in the South Bay, and learning Korean is the new Mandarin)…check. As for the partners, lawyers, financiers and other over-all ballers, I will have to rely on today’s WSJ, NYT, FT.com headlines and my extensive knowledge in technology to contribute good conversation. If that fails, I will wow them with my study in astrophysics…that should cover me well right?
Well wish me luck kids and I promise retelling of stories of champers falling from the heavens and velvet ropes parting like the sea.

This post is dedicated to Spanx

*Haven’t you noticed that when people say they keep it classy it is because they are tacky as hell? I am classy.