What Not To Wear

Tom Ford once said* that the key to being a “fashionable” person is consistency…and if that is the case then I know for a fact that I consistently dress like a) a homeless person B) a disco queen or c) a school marm…does that make me fashionable?

I mean, yes I prefer loose flowy tops and dresses aka “teen pretgo tops and dresses” and if not that then ANYTHING bedazzled or jewel toned and if not that I prefer insanely structured clothes with pinstripes, and French cuffs and starchy collars and cardigans…I can’t help it. But lately, I do feel like I really don’t know how to dress myself anymore and I really am stuck in a fashion rut that is worthy of one of those make me over shows where they give you 5 grand to shop and make “new” outfits.

Sigh, I could really go for 5 grand for clothes right now actually…I would buy a shadow striped suit with both pants and skirt option probs from Boss since their cuts fit me alright and then a Thomas Pink slim cut French cuff button down in a jewel tone color, ballet flats from ‘Gamo and then maybe a cardigan from target…and that is all that budget would allow for but I do think those are some great finds. DOH, see consistency!

Anyhoo, so where am I going with this? OH YES! So yesterday when I was reading life-a-roni’s blog, R’s recent blog entry “characters that inspire my fashion sense” and I thought to myself “myself you should make your own post” So here we go the top five celebrities and/or movie/tv show characters that inspire me:

1. Vera Prescott in The Secret to My Success
   
   I really don’t know if it is so much the outfits or her overall cougar lifestyle that I love so much but this woman is amazing and ever since a child I thought to myself: this is the kinda lady we should be (a pervy fit old rich woman FTW). I mean the shoulder pads, the heavy eye shadow and brows, the uber curly hair, the house in the Hamptons…I mean, what is not to love? Nothing if you ask me.
   
   
2. Pavarotti and Neil Diamond
   
   SERIOUSLY!!! Cat suits and sequins and capes, oh my! SIGN ME UP! In the words of Rachel Zoe “loves me some sequins” and yes Rachel I loves me some too.
   
   
3. Veronica Palmer in Better off Ted**
   
   I mean, really! She has the whole power executive look down pat***. From the hair, the shoes, the suits, it just all exudes power and that is something I attain to. Unfortch, I just look like a little wrapped sausage in my too tight suit and shirt because I am a stage one chunkler right now but that is beside the point. See that 5 grand in makeover shopping money would certainly go handy now, just sayin.
   
   
4. The Olsen Twins
   
   Take a good look at the picture above. Did you take a good look? Okay, so if you see someone wandering the streets of San Francisco who looks like this but is, oh say 1,000 lbs heavier, please make sure to say hi because it is me. I don’t know what it is about this look that appeals to me, maybe the lack of effort except for the shoes and bags…anyone who knows me can tell you that I overall lack effort 80% of the time unless it comes to shoes and bags…and food but that is where I trump the olsens if you ask me.
   
   
5. Miranda in The Devil Wears Prada
   
   Oh, one day Gravy Train one day. This woman is elegance personified, she always looks perfectly put together, her clothes are classy with an edge…and CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE SHOES AND HAND BAGS?!?! Oh Em Gee indeed.
   
   
6. The Red Heather in Heathers****
   
   I love love love love love the preppy look, like beyond love. And the Red Heather was all this and more. I mean the penny loafers, pleated skirts, cardigans, hellz to the yes.

This post is dedicated to corn nuts

* I think I am totally making that up by the way, but I know it was a famous fashion designer so I think it was Tom Ford because dude is always wearing the same shiz.

** honestly is this show canceled? I mean it was totally brilliant and if that is the case it would make me uber sad

***Is this how you say this? I am soooooo not good with sayings and for many years ran around saying getting your bunnies in a row

****True story: Vicky B, Pistol and I had matching Bass penny loafers in high school that we put dimes in because we thought pennies were lame.