Open Letter to Gretchen

Dear Gretchen,

My name is Gravy Train and I too am the latest housewife (San Francisco based) of my own reality show*.

I have to say when you were first introduced in the fifth season opener, I didn’t particularly like you. Like the rest of the female population, when you came on scene with a guy old enough to be Father Christmas I did have to question your intentions with the man. I laughed, at not with, when your future step-daughter told you to get a job** or like when the other girls were mean to you...to be honest I kinda felt like you deserved it.

However, the more time I spend in my new role as a housewife the more I find that you and I have more and more in common than I could have originally imagined. Like for starters, when you went to that sample sale party with the tacky clothes and you were practically eaten alive by the other housewives with taunts of gold digging and daddy stealing…I feel you (except for the tacky clothes…I love me a good animal print any day of the week, but seriously…seriously). Or like when the same alleged women try to “make you feel welcome” by making snide remarks of future divorces and prenuptial agreements thus questioning the very existence of your well-funded relationship…um, hello, that is totally me.

So I guess what I am really trying to say, Gretchen, is that while I can’t really support your consistent use of fake nails or your complete lack of knowledge of the world economy, politics, or pretty much anything else that does not have to do spending your fiancé's money***, I will no longer judge you nor make snarky comments whilst watching your noble prize worthy show. Friends?!?!

Xoxo,
Gravy Train


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*Still pitching Bravo on the Real Housewives of San Francisco concept, so please put in a good word for me.
** Further proof that I would home school my kids if I ever regrettably have them. Not to be a trader to younger generations but seriously how clueless are these people?!?!
***Although he is in the automotive industry n’est pas? So I REALLY do think you need to pay attention to what is going in the world…no judgment, but I am just simply saying, don’t be caught with your pants down.